Liquid
by xThe Vixen
Summary: Rated R for angst, portrayal of drug use, and other like themes. “Heero… I’m sorry..” She felt his pain, he was nearly radiating it and it was killing her as she knew it was killing him. He stared at her blankly. “You knew.”
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I do not own, and neither do I claim to own, Gundam Wing, any of its' characters or storylines. However, I do own any and all original characters and storylines, and I would appreciate it if you didn't use them without permission. _

_AN: This story is something I wrote at a specific point in my life, I've broken it into chapters, but I can't bring myself to read it, let alone add on to it. I might, at some point, but I don't promise it. Some things I'm sure I would change now, but I want to preserve it the way I had written it then. If angst, anger or disturbance is not up your alley, I don't recommend reading this.  
xThe Vixen_

A thick smell of alcohol and another faint odor that she could not place greeted Aria as she stepped into her boyfriend's apartment, spare key in hand. It was the middle of the day, but the apartment was dim as the shades were pulled over the windows. The door closed behind her as she advanced into the living room.

He had been acting strange the night before, as soon as she had a moment to spare she came to check up on him; yet, he was nowhere in sight.

"Heero?"

She received no answer. Mentally, she recounted the days of the week. Thursday, which meant he wasn't working unless something urgent came up..

A crack of glass jerked her out of her thoughts and looking down; she found dozens of broken bits of what once had been a bottle, underneath her feet. Picking up a shard, and bringing it to her nose, she sniffed. Alcohol, no doubt. The whole place reeked of it.

"Heero?" she called out once more, but looking up, gasped in shock.

Her boyfriend, Heero Yuy, was slumped over the kitchen table - a bottle in hand; several others littered the kitchen area. Rushing over, she grasped his shoulder, beginning to shake him; all while praying that he wasn't too far gone. His free arm turned over from the force of her arms on his body, and a flash of crimson caught Aria's eye. She looked, and immediately wished she hadn't; panic beginning to rise within her. His entire inner arm was slashed with deep lacerations, with blood slowly seeping out of the partially hardened wounds. The next thing she saw, as it bumped against her foot, a bloody knife, laying discarded on the floor. Her eyes watered with hot tears, as she realized he had done this to himself. With horror, her hand dropped from his shoulder, as she spotted an empty syringe on the kitchen counter. Not believing what she saw, Aria stepped back, her lips parting in hysteria. Another crunch of glass echoed from beneath her feet, but she didn't dare to look down.

It was then, that the seemingly broken form of her boyfriend, stirred. His head turned, lifting only slightly. A sob escaped Aria's lips, not able to be held down any longer and alerted him of her presence.

He lifted his aching head further, vision distorted and unable to focus on the fuzzy form that was his girlfriend. "Oh, Heero, how could you..." Her teary voice shook him into consciousness and his blurry eyes focused on her shocked face, her shaky hand slowly coming up and clasping over her mouth in a futile attempt to prevent further weeping. A tear fell down her cheek, glistening in the semidarkness, and his body suddenly went rigidly cold with realization. It was the first time that he had ever seen Aria Svetlanovna cry.

Despite his body's protests, he pulled himself up into a sitting position. The bottle that was in his grasp all through the night, clattered to the floor, but he paid no attention.

"Ari.." he began weakly, voice hoarse. Her second hand joined the first, clutched tightly to her lips, yet more tears cascaded down her cheeks. It was as if all the tears she had ever held back were now released in anguish. Placing his hand firmly on the table's edge, he pushed himself up, determined to come to her. And still, his now weakened body couldn't stand against the gravity's pull, and he crashed to the tiled floor.

Unable to watch, she turned away, her body torn apart by violent sobs as tears fell uncontrollably.

"Ari-kun.." The nickname just made it worse, making the tears flow even more rapidly, filling her body with more pain.

_Why? Why in the God's name? Why!?_ Her mind screamed, not able to come up with an explanation. _This wasn't just any regular person. This was Heero Yuy, the infamous Wing Zero pilot, one of the greatest heroes of the Eve Wars – he was stronger that this. Much stronger. So then.. why? Or rather,.. when? When did she go wrong? When did she lose him? Was it her? Did he simply want to.. feel.....something? Anything? Did she not give him enough love?_

It seemed as if the tears were going to rip her apart. Break her body and flesh, as her heart was already broken.  
  
Back on the cold floor, Heero sighed helplessly, ending his fruitless attempts to stand. His head felt as if it was being crushed to pieces, and the rest of his body throbbed painfully. He knew it would bypass eventually, it always did. But it was not the pain that troubled him, this time was different - she knew. The only person he truly cared about and the only person he never wanted to find out about his addictions, now knew. He tried so hard to hide it, to act...normal. Nevertheless, he should've known he wouldn't be able to hide anything from her. Now he was probably going to lose her.

He sighed heavily, not even being able to look up at her.

"Please don't hate me, Ari-kun..."

Aria's eyes widened, as she spun around, her hands dropping from her face. Wet ebony orbs gaped at him. In just several shaky steps, she reached him, and dropping onto her knees enclosed his feverishly quivering body into her arms.

"I could never hate you, baby." She whispered as her tears continued to fall. "I _love_ you."

His head dropped into her shoulder tiredly.

"That's good to know."


	2. Chapter 2

_    Soft feathery touches on my hair bring me back to consciousness. I recognize Aria's touch immediately, but training kicks in and I lay unmoving, knowing that she hasn't seen the difference. Her fingers continue to brush through my locks and my body relaxes, melting into her touch; when a wet drop falls on my cheek. A soft hand brushes it away, but not quickly enough for me not to notice. _

_    I hear her sigh heavily and her hand disappears for a moment. Then her lips press a gentle kiss onto my forehead, and she pulls away. _

    "_I love you, baby. I promise." But even through the whisper, I can tell her voice is strained. The sheets shift as I feel her move further away, and after a moment I open my eyes. Even in the pitch dark that is my bedroom, I can see her form sitting on the very edge of the bed. Her body seems so frail, as violent sobs that she is desperately trying to conceal behind her hand, are ripping it apart. Determined to reach her, I push up into a full sitting position and crawl over to her. _

    "_Ari-kun."_

_    She doesn't answer, and makes no move as I outstretch my arms to her. My hand on her shoulder makes her convulse as if burned, yet she doesn't object as I guide her gently into my embrace. I hold her, afraid of making a single movement that is anything but tender, that is all I can do. _

_    I look down at her crying, shaking form, and my heart bleeds with every tear that she sheds onto my already wet shirt. I'm sorry that I'm hurting you._

_    I'm sorry that I'm hurting you because... my mind cannot finish the sentence and all I can do is watch her sob. _

    "_Aishiteru, Ari-kun." I whisper, for the first time. _

_    Her body goes stiff for a moment before she pulls away sharply, looking at me. Then she pulls back fully, ripping my hands away from her body, and with a cry, falls into the pillows, burying her face away from me. _

_    I blink in shock. Isn't that what she wanted to hear? I place my hand on her shoulder. _

    "_Ari?"_

_    She doesn't move, or acknowledge my touch in any way. I stroke her shoulder._

    "_Ari-kun, I said-"_

    "_I heard what you said!" She interrupts, her head snapping up and baring her wet face. I recoil, my hand withdrawing from her body immediately._

    "_I heard what you said." She echoes, this time softer. "But I didn't want to hear it like this.."_

_    Another silent tear falls from her eye and down her cheek, I can't bring myself to brushing it away. I retreat further, as she looks at me with sad eyes, and I'm dying inside. The Perfect Soldier has died in battle, and now the rest that was left of me was crumbling at what I saw in her dark eyes. _

    Aria felt something tickle her cheek; she reached up and swept away the tear. Reaching out, she placed her shaky hand on his.

    "I'm sorry, baby. Lets just sleep, okay?"

    He didn't pull away, yet remained silent. Her heart ached at looking into those gorgeous blue eyes, so full of pain, sorrow and... a hint of love? ...Was that for her?

    Her fingers stroked his hand soothingly. She knew he was sorry, she could see it in his eyes.

    A queasy feeling rose in her stomach. _Helplessness_. Helplessness at knowing that she couldn't do anything but be there for him. And that's what she did, bringing him into her arms and letting him maneuver her body however he needed, as they lay under the covers.

_    His arms shook as they held me close. They didn't use to do that. _


	3. Chapter 3

Aria's hand was icy cold as Heero held it gingerly, the cold biting into his own flesh. They walked through the park silently, being the only two people in sight as far as the winding path stretched between the woods and mounds in the chilly spring evening. A cool breeze windswept her long unbound locks as well as his messy hair, and ruffled both of their jackets. He watched her out of the corner of his eyes, as her own orbs wandered across the colorful sunset, face illuminated in the amber glow. She was so pretty, he didn't think he had noticed that enough. Despite her tough demeanor and training, she was never anything but gentle with him, and what did he have to give her in return? Nothing but pain. He had tried to love her, but it only brought them both more suffering. And yet, for some odd reason he could never understand, she had stayed with him.

His hand closed over hers tighter as he nudged her in the direction of a large pond, surrounded by the forest. She understood, and they both sat down on the grass near the water, facing the sunset.

He leaned his head into her shoulder and she lifted her hand to stroke his hair lightly.

"How was your day, Ari?" He asked quietly, attempting to make conversation on a neutral topic.

"Great." She mumbled sarcastically. "Kit and Duo were messing around, sending each other instant messages and ended up crashing half the network."

Heero smiled in mild amusement. "That takes talent."

"Yeah, no kidding. Eric and I spent most of the day just reconnecting the lines." She sighed. "Was it as bad in your sector?"

"I skipped work today." His voice fell once more, and she glanced down at him.

"Why?"

He didn't answer and she averted her gaze. "Oh."

Silence settled over them once more, yet Aria didn't take her hand away from his head, continuing to stroke his hair reassuringly.

He sighed, and scooped up a handful of pebbles, beginning to toss them into the water. Several of the birds that were taking a bath in the shallows flew off, frightened; another cocked its' head, as if giving him a questioning look.

Aria pressed a gentle kiss into his forehead.

"How's your head, baby?" she asked, remembering he had mentioned a headache earlier.

"It hurts." He mumbled, not taking his eyes away from the water.

The wind started picking up, becoming more biting with every blow. Aria put her arm around him, as if to keep him from freezing, and he leaned further into her.

"We should go soon." She said quietly, and he nodded as he continued to toss the pebbles.

His head ached painfully, and he grit his teeth against the pain. Her touch had been soothing, but it was gone now too, as she had moved her arm down to his waist. The agony was almost unbearable even for him, as the blindingly hot sensation split his skull.

Suddenly, in a fit of anger, he aimed the rock he had been holding directly at the bird that had been looking at him. A brief second after it left his fingers, the stone stroke the animal. It let out a high pitched cry of anguish.

Aria's dark orbs widened incredulously as she witnessed the scene. Heero Yuy may not have always been gentle with people, but she had never seen him be anything but kind to animals.

Heero's own expression immediately changed to a mix of guild, sorrow, and equal surprise at his actions. He blinked in confusion; he didn't know what had pushed him to act in such way towards a helpless animal. Prussian blue eyes softened in sorrow as the bird fell to the side, its' little legs kicked weakly as it attempted to stand.

Seeing his reaction, Aria stood, and firmly pulled him to his feet as well, guiding him away from the scene.

"Come on, let's go." She spoke softly as she continued to pull him away. He let her, yet he walked slowly, looking back after every few steps.

"Do you think it'll be okay, Ari? I mean, I didn't hurt it too bad, right?"

Inwardly, Aria wandered in confusion what had changed in him, but as she looked up, his blue eyes looked at her, pleading for reassurance.

"It'll be fine, Heero. Birds know how to nurse themselves back to health." Her grip on his arm loosened, as she attempted to soothe him into believing into something she didn't quite believe herself, but knew he desperately needed to hear.

They continued to walk; Heero's head hung low, staring at his feet miserably. Aria's heart ached at seeing him like this; animals were his soft spot for a reason she didn't know. Finally, she stopped and pulled him into a tender hug. He blinked in surprise, freezing for a moment, then hugged her back, his head laying onto her shoulder once more.

"It'll be okay, don't worry 'bout it." She whispered and kissed his cheek.

He nodded. "Okay, Ari."

It was late at night that Heero came back to the park, despite what he has said to Aria. His cold chest warmed at the thought of his girlfriend who was sound asleep back at his apartment where she'd insisted she was going to stay that night. He knew just as well as she did, that she simply didn't trust him to be alone - but he really did love her. He knew he did, and he hoped that she knew as well. A heavy sighed heaved his chest, him wishing he could just give his heart to her for a mere moment, for her to be able to see just what he felt for her. Despite everything, he was madly in love with her – she was his angel. The thought made him smile, wondering if anyone before has called Aria Svetlanovna an angel. No, trustily not; but to him, she was.

His thoughts interrupted as he crossed the small mound that led him to the lake where they had sat earlier that evening. The night was pitch black, the stars seeming to have dulled, and the moon only partially visible behind the dark clouds that the wind tossed angrily about the sky. The trees twisted and bent, their branches hitting and scraping together; the sounds of the forest suddenly seeming eerie against peaceful. Somewhere in the distance he heard wind chimes singing, where some teenager or tourist must've strung them up on a tree. He remembered Aria once referring to them as 'creepy lil' things'.

Stumbling in the dark over the grass and rocks, it only took him several moments to make it down to the lake and onto level ground once more. Hues of Prussian blue narrowed, as he surveyed the site. Seeing nothing, he was about to turn and leave, when a small black object near an area of low shrub, caught his eye.

In a few swift steps he kneeled next to it, eyes dying with sorrow as he realized it was the small pigeon – now cold and dead. It must've been trying to find some warmth in the leaves, he realized, as his hands gingerly picked up the corps. He had forgotten just how fragile living things were.

Rough fingers stroked the tousled feathers, on a body that nearly fit into a single palm of his hand. His eyes shut, as he remained kneeled in the dirt, as if expecting the bird to come back to life if only he held it long enough… only it didn't.

Then in a fit of anguish, he snapped the small body in half.


	4. Chapter 4

Aria blinked as she realized she was in a newly awaked state. _'Why am I awake?'_ floated through her puzzled mind, as she turned to look at the digital clock on the night table; 2:39 AM. She groaned as she brushed her loose hair back, slowly turning over onto her back. Her heart sank, as she suddenly realized she was alone in the bed.

In slight panic, she swiftly crawled out; dressed in her jeans and tank top, yet barefoot.

"Heero?" she called lightly as she walked through the small hallway in the dark, heading for the living room.

Her eyes darted to the side to glance at the bathroom door, which was dark; and as she looked back up, a gasp escaped Aria's lips, as a shadow she hadn't seen towered over her.

"Heero!" her hand lashed out, grasping his wrist, her eyes never leaving him. As her fingers made contact with his cold skin, something wet and sticky registered in her senses, and her heart sank. Her fingers turned his arm over gingerly, and she saw just what she'd expected – long bloody gashes. Eyes having now adjusted to the darkness, turned up to look at him in sorrow. Dark in the night, his face was that of the cold soldier, but his eyes were crestfallen.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Her left arm found its' way to his elbow, as if frightened that he would leave; but he remained unmoving.

"Ari, the bird died." His voice was so much colder than it had been in the longest time, stinging as a winter frost would; yet Aria didn't waver. She had never been intimidated by his gruff appearance, or cold words, and now the only thing she saw in him, was grief.

Her clean hand left his elbow, and rested on his frigid cheek.

"Heero… I'm sorry.." She felt his pain, he was nearly radiating it; and it was killing her as she knew it was killing him.

He stared at her blankly. "You knew."

"Baby, I…"

"You lied to me, Ari." Her hand dropped.

His eyes suddenly turned angry. "I don't need to be treated like a child, Aria. I know reality. I can _handle_ reality."

"I know, Heero.."

"And you're lying again." He looked away. "I know that because you're here now."

She blinked. "I'm here because I care about you.."

He pulled his bloody arm away, leaning against the wall. "Yeah, that's what you keep saying."

A sudden chill of fear entered Aria's body upon hearing his words. …_What was he saying? _

"Heero, I love you, you know I do.. I've never lied to you about that, I wouldn't.."

His vision dulled as he watched her speak, barely hearing the words. He leaned his head against the coolness of the wall, attempting to relieve the sudden rush of a headache. He felt her hand grasp his, and looked at her. Dark eyes pleaded with him.

"Please.. just let me bandage those cuts."

He sighed tiredly.

"Okay, Ari-" His foggy brain then remembered. "-kun."

A sad sort of smile flickered over the brunette's face, and she pulled him gently toward the kitchen. He complied, following her until they've reached the small space behind the living room. As she went to retrieve the medical supplies from a cabinet, he walked to the refrigerator and pulled it open to grasp a frosty bottle of beer. The alcohol in hand, he sat down at the table.

Aria's features saddened at seeing him do this, but she said nothing. She flipped the light switch to turn on the small lamp above the table instead of the main lights, then sitting down, set about gently cleaning the blood away from the wounds.

Lifting the bottle to his lips, he drank its' contents in large gulps, barely aware of Aria's hands on his arm as she carefully cleaned out the cuts.

It didn't take her long, and soon she had his lower arm wrapped up in thin white cloth bandages, protecting it from bleeding, as well as infection. She put away the supplies silently into the box, then stood and put the box back in the cabinet. When she turned, his beer was already empty, yet he continued to sit unmoving, eyes staring ahead absently. She bit her lip, heart aching at seeing him like this; he was the last person she had ever imagined seeing in this position.

With a sigh, she walked back, resting her palm on his shoulder gently.

"Come on Heero, let's go back to bed." Her voice was quiet, nearly hesitant.

He looked up at her for a moment, before setting the empty bottle onto the tabletop and walking out of the kitchen. Aria's sad eyes watched him go, then she turned off the light, following him.


End file.
